What other stories can I tell? I do enjoy story telling.

Well about my life itself, not some previous incarnation or rebirth...

Not that much to tell really.. I was the benefactor of the universe, the Godhead.

I never really knew that growing up but had that impending question used to worry me.. how can other people see, if they aren't me?

I used to think about my school friend what it might feel like swapping consciousness, would I feel like central like I did.. like the camera.. or would I feel more like an actor in my life being watched by the camera...

And I used to feel that's all I was like some Father watching the children play, wasn't until after I met my soulmate (I proposed to have), that I felt more like Peter Pan or someone like the hero, rather than the director or writer or even camera man of my movie lifestyle...

And that's what set me off meeting her...

I just kept digging receding into my past and into the future and also the now, present, who was I until I exhausted that and just got out and on with life again and found heaven, peace.

I think going through the ego death, my last life was about getting wed to my soulmate or true love and then dying together and it scared me too much.

So I had an ego death to rewrite it so I was the victor and a Superman or God and defeated death, even at the cost of my marriage.

And then its been a struggle conforming to a corrupt society while being a heavenly God or host or angel.. its very hard not to be able to commit crimes to pay for things.. but even then I know that path is harder than I am now living.. going into cells or prisons.. it's not for me, I am so happy to make this choice. I still hope I do find someone maybe even a lonely woman who is a bit fragile herself to care for?

My child hood at the time I thought was like amazing, my family life not perfect, but even so, it was good having Dad in the city I could stay with while at Uni I guess... but would have been better affording a college dorm maybe, but you know my philosophy is if you are still alive and well, you are doing ok and the right thing.

My life was kicking the footy with friends or Dad.. Kick to kick I loved it. But I wasn't initially too keen to play foot ball. I chose the older team mates and being the youngest I didn't get a good share of the ball, but I did kick some good goals here and there, but I was mostly a wing man or forward pocket or flank, no major positions really in those days.

I tried cricket but the ball was too hard for me to catch, I was really quite afraid of catching cricket balls. I found I was tall and lean and a good fast bowler. Not great with the bat in games.

Similarly in footy, I was great at training, but not good at getting my hands on the ball that much, but great chaser and tackler. And really we always won when I played so I did my job well.

Then I shifted to basketball and while the coach was a bit hard on me always putting me on the sidelines at the start, there was one great game I had totally drunk on vodka.. and I shot 16 points because I had lost inhibitions. Coach wasn't there that day.. hahaha!

And we won the final anyway, with a last effort from 1 point behind two free throws and our team won!!! It wasn't me, but I willed that last shot in from the sideline. It was after the siren. B grade mens. I was so proud of myself and our team and I won most improved player trophy.

I loved music and playing my guitar and started with One by Metallica first song I learned.. then moved on to other music like Slayer and Megadeth.. and Pantera and others, but yeah I never had a teacher I taught myself. If I had it again I would have sourced out a great teacher and done it right, because I got frustrated and bored and lost interest. I can still play rhythm and basic solos but I would have always loved to play the great fast solos and jarring riffs.

I kind of mellowed out toward end of High School, and played Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin and other rock music more and then later after my incident at the rave and meeting my soul mate went more romantic sad sort of hopeful love songs.

I really developed a love of electronic music and mixing and organising music non-linear digital editing. I got a computer at home and practised it in amateur way and also video editing.. I was very unwell by then, but still I could manage some stuff, I just couldn't leave my home for a long time.

I was always a good student really tried hard to always succeed. It wasn't easy being in classes with slow learners who liked disrupting class, and towards the end of school I became a bit that way but I started just enjoying clowning and being a smart ass just lifting the mood all the time of our class, I felt it my duty for some reason, and I hated school then because I had to put on a front every morning to get to school and out do myself.

I kind of relate to that Robin Williams persona where he always seems on edge and wired to say the funnier thing. One school photos I turned after each photo slightly so that the first I had my face front, then the next to the side and then to the back.. and to me I was like acting like I was doing improvisation all the time, and I knew people hated it but I couldn't help it, I had to try and be funny. I didn't get the girl you see, it was my way to still not be a jerk or be bullied, to outwit everyone with humour.

We made The Gibbon Factor as a way to enjoy business studies. It wasn't so much the movie we made, it was our cinema screening and we made $7 each on ticket sales.

I was every lunch time pestering my friends to jam metal music.. and they were like yeah maybe not this lunch I'm like come on we got to jam yeah come on guys.. so sometimes I got my way and we played some bits and pieces of songs... oh my God I just wanted some cool band mates that were like hanging to jam all the time and get somewhere.

We had fun though...

Other lunch times it was shooting hoops. Hanging out at the tree.. down away from school.. and people smoked cigarettes..

I was so like disappointed the year I left they planned an entertainment theatre hall.. fuck I would have liked that. We had a shitty little portable music room about as big as your bedroom.

We played like hand ball and I liked that kind of but other guys were like too serious about it..and I would sting my hand and give up.

What else... mostly towards the end of school we just did like work all the time on the library.. not sure why now..

I did arts and physics at year 12. People like why you doing physics and I just liked the idea of doing arts and understanding the laws behind it. I played up a lot on physics... trying make everyone laugh, and some of the students serious about medicine I think were upset at me a bit.

But I did Drama and Art, Graphics, English and Physics mainly I think. Why I found electronics a bit hard.. I hadn't done maths methods. I did history at a higher level when I was in year 10 - I did year 11 history so I lost interest in completing that 5. Opting for Physics and it conflicted anyway. Oh my God studying Hitler and Stalin in year 10 was so hard with the older kids. I really felt the difference and the seriousness.

Out of school we had camping trips a lot and as we got older we got motorbikes and just went paddock bashing. We would sneak into town along the back roads sometimes and get alcohol and take it back to the caves. Some camping trips the older boys would come with 4x4 four wheel drives and I loved sitting up in the passenger seat cruising around the bush with them all. Some of the boys would ride along side through the paddocks in the dark on the bikes.. OMG I was mesmerised at how brave they were not hitting rocks or dying. My sister got a 250 XT and I paid half, it was four stroke so a bit slow.. but cool, even though it was a bit stuffed the steering and sometimes the lights and things didn't work.. it had been in a serious accident I think. The engine also had like some sealant on it, not a proper gasket, so we gave it away after a while. I had one major stack on it riding blindly down a side road and fell into a gully the bike landed on top of me.. I had a helmet and it didn't hurt me, but I thought.. nah I don't like bikes. I like comfort of a car or 4x4. It was a stupid risk to take.. but oh well... a good story I guess.

We had a property I really loved and we would ride up there and stay over. But we had moved out and were renting in town by then. I always wanted to build a tall rook on that house over the top of it. It was a round house Dad tried to build without electricity.. and well, it was too much. But I would so love one day to maybe buy it again. And build it for Dad. If not there's plenty other property with such a gorgeous view I guess.

Yeah well, there's million stories really till I was 18.. after 20 I was unwell, and moved around a lot trying get well.

My camping trip with our family friends was the best memory.. we went through all these gates to get to private beach areas to fish and caught a lot of fish back then, roasted it over the camp fire. My friend wanted his school buddy to go though.. and our parents thought it would be better for me... so they kind of took it out on me on the way home in the back of the truck and I lost my love for them a bit. I felt betrayed. And after they picked on my good younger friend too, and I just thought maybe they are just too old for me to remain friends, and anyway I ended doing arts and they were more into trucks and stuff.

Ah we have friends over time and sometimes we stay and other times we part ways, it's pretty normal. They were really into skateboarding and I got an ornamental skateboard Collingwood Magpies, so I never got into it. Their Dad put a skate half pipe in the backyard and everyone thought it was so cool.

I loved my Sega Master System I got for Christmas and got into computers that way. But wasn't until Uni I was doing non-linear editing and then when I got unwell and was at home severely hopeless I got a computer and found Gnutella and Napster soon after and found a love for computers downloading sad music to comfort me. I thought life was over and I was only going to hell.

I met my soulmate and invited her to make a video, but I couldn't finish it. I was too sad thinking this is my wife and I can't marry her.

I tried writing music and giving her some but I never really heard back from her if she liked it.

They invited me to stay on the property but I just wanted to stay home and have Mum have a holiday away so I could really relax, but they took me to a place next to their house and I just lost myself in hopelessness and fear and sadness like dying in black hell in the bathtub.. thinking this is my paradise and I am not of it.. I am in purgatory awaiting to be tormented forever.

I went home.. and after some time felt a bit better.. my dog died and I went out looking for him and it got me away from the house. Anyway I got some courage back and found some younger friends who tried take care of me. But I got bullied by all the kids saying I was a predator, and I wasn't I was severely displaced with no real connections. But I kept holding on to my soul mate saying she would visit and she never came really...

After some time I gave up trying fit in and just left to resume my Uni degree I had only one semester left, but the teacher failed my Matrix essay on Simulacra and I left that too, gave up. It was too clever, it was a simulated essay on simulation and simulacra and he didn't get it. Got the Big F.

So I left after a while getting very unwell again for Darwin... and the rest after that is history really... I got well enough to leave on my own.. and ups and downs here I am now.

I spent some time in the Blue Mountains and went to heaven peacefully, alive.

I knew I was a God or Superman and I could live forever.

My ultimate fear was vanquished.

Death.